Perhaps the title is a little harsh.  I know I'm far from being at "rock bottom."  But as I sit here at home, sipping wine with a bag of frozen peas on my knee, and knowing that I don't have to work tomorrow, I have to wonder how many people would think I have it lucky...?

I'm sipping wine because 1. I like wine and 2. because it helps with the pain... 

Which leads me to: I'm sitting here with a bag of frozen peas on my knee because it's F-ed up.  I don't know why it's F-ed up, but, alas, it's F-ed up.  Matt did a couple of tests on it, as did my supervising PT at work, and the tests lead to believe that there's some sort of meniscus problem.  And a meniscus problem = nothing good.  I tested positive for the Bounce Home test and McMurray's test.  Blah.  So... now the question is posed - how did I injure my meniscus???  The only thing I can think of is a few weeks ago I was in the kitchen and all of the sudden, I had some sharp pain/sensations shooting down my leg, which I thought was result from some nerve damage in that leg.  Whatever.  I have an appointment on Wednesday to get it looked at by one of the area's best ortho doctors...

I don't have to go to work tomorrow not because of my F-ed up knee, no... but because there's no work for me to do.  I work at two different buildings.  Both buildings have a freakishly low patient caseload.  So, since I am the newbie to the employee list, I guess that means I get the shaft and don't get any hours.  I told both of my rehab directors that I am more than willing to travel to other facilities (an hour away if I have to!) so I can get my 8 hours a day!  But, as far as I know, nothing is showing up for me.  

So... anyway, now that my bitch and moan session is out of the way, I can talk about more important things... like the new fall line up for tv!  I'm suckered into the guilty pleasures regarding tv.  Greek, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives... and new shows this year are going to put a dent in my TiVo memory, that's for sure.  I'll probably be watching the Vampire Diaries, The Forgotten, Modern Family, Cougar Town, Flash Forward... and that's just ABC!  There was another show on Fox that I wanted to watch but now I can't remember what it was... Glee I think?  So yeah, my tv schedule is jam packed.

And, oh yeah, football has started!  Chyeah!

For the most part, I am a very patient person when I am at work.  My work means a lot to me and I try my hardest to do a good job while I'm there.  I need to be empathetic, sympathetic, but at the same time, I also need to be strict and enforce the proper ways to do things safely.  My patients only benefit from this.

Ask anyone and they'll tell you that I am nice.  Ask them if I'm easy to get along with and they'll tell you yes.  Ask another question: do the patients like her? and the answer will be yes.

I'm not saying these things to make me sound conceited or too confident in my ability... I'm just a likable person and people like me.  There's really no two ways about it.

Anyway, it's very unlike me to go to work in a bad mood.  I love my work and time flies when I'm working because I enjoy it.  It's also very unlike me that I complain about a patient, unless provoked.

This week I was provoked.

On my caseload, I happen to have two of the largest women I've ever known.  Bariatric to the max.  These two particular women couldn't be more opposite.  For HIPPA sake, I can't use their real names; I will call them T and L. 

T is the whiner.  Everything is wrong all the time with this woman.  Her call bell light is always illuminated when I walk down the hallway.  All the time.  She hmm's and haw's about everything.  She needs the nurses aides to use a hoyer lift to get her in and out of bed because she can't do it herself.  So when I make my rounds in the morning to tell my patients "good morning," I make sure to tell her to ask the aides to get up so she can come to therapy.  I revisit her several times a day to remind her to get up.  Usually, by 11:00, she's in her chair and ready for therapy.  Therapy is the only time she is out of bed.

Wednesday she worked on my nerves.  She kept making excuses for not getting out of bed.  Finally, I couldn't give her anymore smiles and said "T, it's my job to help you get strong.  I know you want to go home but you will never go home if you don't get your butt out of bed!  You're only hurting yourself by skipping therapy - really, it's no skin off my behind if you don't come," and I walked out of the room.  15 minutes later, one of the aides was pushing her in her wheelchair into the therapy department.

Half way through our session, which she was half-assing her way through, she said she needed to use the bedpan.  Yes, that's right... she uses a bedpan because she's not strong enough to use a toilet.  So I took her back to her room and told her that after she uses the bedpan she needed to stay up in her chair because we would continue our session after lunch.  I knew that by the time the aides used the hoyer to get her back into bed to use the bedpan, her lunch would be waiting for her, so it would just be easier to see her after lunch.  When I told her not to go back to bed after using the bedpan, her eyes got wide and she said "You mean you want me to sit up in my chair and eat lunch?!"  She made it sound as if I was asking her to sell her soul to the devil!  I replied with an exasperated "Yes, T!  Sit up for lunch!  It will be good for you.  Good for your back, good for your core muscles, good for your digestive system - sit up for lunch."  I exited her room before I could get a response.

After lunch, would I expect anything else than to see her lying in bed?  I stomped into her room and said "T, I told you to stay up!  Why are you in bed?!"  She looked around the room, as if trying to think of an excuse.  Before she had time to say anything, I stopped her and told her that I didn't think I'd be able to work with her anymore.  She's on medicaid, which is funded by the government, so yeah, while she's putzing around and not participating in therapy to get well enough to home, I'm helping pay for her stay in an expensive skilled nursing facility.  Fuck.

I have to wonder where in the hell this woman's motivation is hiding?  Why is she so lazy?  Why doesn't she want to work hard so she can become more independent? 

L, on the other hand, is at the nursing home, more than likely to stay.  She, too, is morbidly obese, but she's got great motivation and really wants to go home.  Her insurance is only paying for 12 therapy sessions at 30 minutes each session.  I see her three times a week and her sessions are nearly expired and there's no way her insurance is going to approve more sessions, even though she's made incredible progress.  The progress she's made still isn't enough to let her go home yet, but she needs to continue.  I honestly think that she'd be able to go home if she could have therapy 5x's a week for 60+ minutes each session. 
L is always more than ready to come to therapy, never refuses or makes excuses.  She works up a sweat while we exercise because she's putting forth such effort.  On top of everything else, she's super sweet, relatively young (early 60's) and loves exercising with me.  She said she wishes she could hire me as her personal trainer.  L is able to stand with the assistance of two people and a walker, and is currently using 3# hand weights and leg weights when we exercise.  She's trying so hard... I can't help but smile when we work together because I see all the effort she's putting behind her exercises.

It's so unlike me to give up on someone.  But I'm giving up on T.  I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. 

I started a new job on Monday.  I was supposed to start at the place where I was interviewed, but they emailed me Thursday of last week and told me that their census had dropped dramatically in the last 2 weeks and they didn't really  need me to start there, so instead of delaying my start date, they had me start at another facility.  It didn't really matter to me either way, I just wanted to start my job and start getting paid.  Conveniently, this "other facility" is only 1.5 miles away from my house and it takes less than 10 minutes to get there, so that makes me very happy.  It makes my gas tank happy as well.

The facility is a religious place, called St. Anne's, so there are Fathers and Sisters that live there.  It's not a place for the Christian-faint-of-heart to say the least.  There's crucifixes around every corner, statues of Jesus in every hallway, paintings of Mary and various other famous religious icons hanging on all the walls... I don't know why I wasn't expecting to see all these things when I knew the name of the place, but still, it was a surprise to me never the less.  Luckily, there aren't people there trying to preach to everyone they see, which would really get on my nerves.  The residents aren't all Sisters or Fathers, most of them are normal people.  The building is huge, spanning over three floors (most of the residents are only on floors one and two), with a skilled section and an assisted living section.  There are six different wings, and it's mighty confusing, I honestly feel like I need a map sometimes.  But, I've been getting around pretty well... sometimes it might take me the "long way" to get from point A to point B, but I'm getting there, and that's all that matters.
 
The therapy room is pretty nice.  It's a big room, with a few Nautilis machines, and lots of open floor for wheelchairs and residents to do exercises.  My boss seems pretty nice, and I can sum up the supervising PT in one word: HOT.  And yes, it deserves all capital letters.  He's young (might by my age or a year or two older) and has these oddly beautiful smoldering eyes... hang on a minute... I shouldn't be thinking about my supervising PT like that... but when someone is hot, it's very hard not to admire their hot qualities, haha.  Thank goodness I'm married and he's engaged and I am very good at controlling myself and know how to be professional at work!

Anyway, my first couple of days have gone pretty well.  Everyone is nice and it's going to be a nice place to work.  They do things a bit differently than my old job in MI, and it will take some getting used to.  Just when I get used to it, I'm sure I will be transferred to my original place of hire, so I can meet all new people and learn all new procedures again.

Today will be a short day for me.  The supervising PT has to leave at 2:00 today, which means that I have to leave, or at least stop doing therapy by 2:00.  Stupid PA and their stupid laws... Anyway... I hope everyone has a great week!

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Tuesday morning, on my way to work, there was a car accident.  It didn't look bad at first, but then the ambulance came.  With the freaking sirens.  And I could hear the screaming.  But the screaming wasn't coming from the driver in the car in the other lane, almost directly diagonal from me.  I could hear the screaming in my head.  The screams that came from me.  10 years ago.

Tears I couldn't control ran down my face and there was no way I could stop them.  I blared happy music from the stereo in my car but the speakers couldn't get loud enough to drown out the screaming.  Blah.  Finally, once traffic cleared and I was away from the mess of that accident, and the more I drove, my sobs became less and my head cleared a bit.

It's amazing how such things can trigger bad memories.  I can talk about my accident without problems.  I can look at pictures and be fine.  I can hear sirens and be okay... but when I hear that sound of metal crushing, tires squealing, and then hear the sirens a bit later, it's just a very bad combination.

So I thought my day was going to be horrible.  As I drove to work, I couldn't help but wish that the normal Tuesday pool girl would call off and then I'd have to be in the pool.  I didn't really feel like being in the clinic anyway.  Not after the accident incident.  When I walked into the clinic, one of my supervising PTs said "Did you bring your suit? Patty called off," and I ran out to my car to get my bag for the pool.  Does that ever really happen??  I was shocked that my wish came true.

Later that night, I found out that my PTA license *finally transferred to PA, so now I can get a promotion at work.  I usually work at Clinic A, and consider the supervising PT at Clinic A my boss, but Wednesday I worked at Clinic B.  I told the therapist at Clinic B about the license finally transferring and all he said was "I'll have to talk to insert-name-of-PT-here about it and see what we can do about that..."  So... nothing happened Wednesday.  I saw my boss at Clinic A Thursday, and he said that we'd sit down and talk about it, like new responsibilities, etc  "first of the week," so I guess that means Monday.  I'm usually in the pool on Monday, so does that mean I'm going to get paid more to sit on my ass and watch people swim/exercise in the water?  He mentioned quickly what the pay rate is for PTAs and I couldn't help inwardly cringe.  It's the going rate at the company I work for and it only increases with seniority, it has nothing to do with experience.  Whatever.  I don't want to up and leave because I like the people well enough, and I feel like I owe them *something in return for giving me a job when I could only be an aide, but how long should I feel obligated to stay somewhere when I know I can be making more money (a lot more!) somewhere else?  I'm keeping my eyes open to other potential prospects.

Okay... Pens won the series against the Capitals Wednesday, whipping their asses at home 6-2. Haha.  Suck on that, Ovechkin!

Matt and I joined a bowling league for the summer.  We play on Wednesday nights.  So the last 2 Pens games were watched on the big screen at the bowling alley.  At least it's in HD :)

My feet hurt at the ends of the day.  I think it's time for new shoes here pretty soon.  Yesterday Matt and I spent a lot of money on stuff that we got for the screened-in porch.  Table and chairs from Levin's get delivered on Wednesday!  Yay!  On the way home, we stopped at Walmart for a few things and also got a heck of a deal at a yard sale we passed, only $4 for a nice end table!  Mark came over (and Steve and Mike were supposed to come, but backed out because of going to see a breeder for a dog and having a date, respectively) and we hung out, played some poker (just for fun), some Phase 10 dice and watched Taken, all on the screened-in porch.  Yes.  We weathered through the storms nice n dry!  Matt grilled for dinner and all in all it was a nice day. 

Today, the plan is to clean the house, do lots of laundry, head to Lowes for some paneling and finish off the work on the screened in porch.  Hopefully the plan goes accordingly.  I hope that everyone has a great weekend!

Ps, happy belated birthday, Lori!

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was great.  I had a good holiday and I can't explain how much I need a long weekend off from work. 

I spent a lot of time with family, which is always nice.  We played Wii, ate lots of good food, etc.

Melissa spent the night on Saturday.  We had some band practice with Rock Band and we also played some Mario Kart Wii, Scene It on XBox and later Scattegories.  Fun night.

Went to church on Sunday.  I actually enjoyed myself. Pastor Dave did a fantastic sermon and I loved it.  I don't know if I will actually drag myself to church every Sunday now, but I will actually consider it some Sunday mornings.

Our new furniture came.  It's so comfortable and I love it.  Sigh 

I want to start writing my story again.  I was getting some great brainstorming accomplished at work today because it was soooo dead... seriously, the schedule was empty...

Anyway, just wanted to put in a quick update.  Dinner should be finished cooking in a few minutes so I have to feed my face